well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
