Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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