this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
