make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
