I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
