I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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