i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
