He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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