my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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