Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
