please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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