I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
