Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
