Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
