I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
