Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
