Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
