I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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