Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
