I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
FUCK WHALES
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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