I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
