i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
