Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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