How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
