There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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