Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
