this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
