I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize