my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
