I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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