Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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