this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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