we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
