I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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