i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When are your genitals available?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize