I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
pop tarts are not kleenex
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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