i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
