I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
