My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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