The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
