Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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