Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
