Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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