I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
