Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
