apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
