a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
