She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
