hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
