He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
