The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
