apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize