They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have fence marks all over my body
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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