Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize