I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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