can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
