We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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