She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
