My liver just broke up with me...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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