Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
