he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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