I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
