you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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